Archive for April, 2011

“Bro, we could TOTALLY have our own show.”

A sharp rise in this phenomenon can be attributed to a recent upturn in edgy, crew-based, dialogue-driven shows like “It’s Always Sunny,” “The League,” “How I Met Your Mother,” etc.  Such shows have a way of making every boner with a few buds think that his crew’s schtick is just as funny, cool, and generally entertaining as any appearing on T.V. They watch those shows and say “this is so like us, man” or “we could have a show like this,” or “we should start recording ourselves and send it in to a network!”  So convinced are they of their posse’s collective comedic merit that they feel compelled to showcase it whenever a group of strangers have no choice but to sit and listen to them.

Hence, these bozos tend to strike wherever a large group of similarly situated strangers are experiencing forced downtime.  Waiting for a flight at the airport, riding on the subway, waiting in a waiting room – really any setting where people tend to sit quietly and mind their own business.  They are almost always college-aged, which is immediately evident from both their amateurish sense of humor and lack of social awareness.  

Albeit, what appears to be a conversation between friends, is really a performance – a public dialogue to entertain the less fortunate strangers who don’t have a hip clique to talk to. Usually quarterbacking the discussion is the aesthetically-inferior loudmouth of the group who fancies himself “the funny one.”  Sometimes sporting glasses, some minor man-boobage (cup size roughly 30-A), and a dingy pair of cargo shorts that rest atop wider-than-would-be-expected shins, this jerkoff fuels the conversation by busting the balls of the less boisterous crew members and alluding to party stories, past hook-ups, and inside jokes with jusssst enough detail for everyone to kind of get it. Clearly this guy thinks he is really witty. Except that he isn’t because nothing he says is even close to being funny and he just won’t shut up.

But from his witless perspective, this is his time to shine – his opportunity to show all these strangers just what kind of killer material they’ve been missing by NOT being a part of his crew. Because, clearly, with such wild party stories, such taboo inside jokes, and such ripe ball-busting abilities, we can only surmise that he and his boys are really cool and that their lives are totally epic and fun.

So, please, by all means good Sirs, carry on like hyenas so we can get a taste of your coolness. Pour us a glass of your awesomeness. Show us all how fun life is in your circle.  After all, we’ve got time to kill, and were it not for your boisterous bro-banter, we’d just have to sit here reading, working, or otherwise minding our own business like respectable people.


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